This is where I am.

For the first time, I think I can say that I am determined to get the hell out of that rut. I don’t know how yet, but I know it needs to happen. Fast. I spent the evening last Friday at my friend’s atelier, bought myself some watercolors and a notebook so I can reconnect with the physicality of creating an image on paper, something I don’t always have with photography. We had a wonderful meditation circle as a group and, in a moment I can only describe as bliss/release I burst out Laughing and crying and laughing. I could barely tell the difference. The water pouring out my eyes felt like an explosion of dirty sewer water, grainy and green. It was like cleaning out.

I am on a path that seems to be right. I feel like I still have the shackles I put myself on my feet, but I don’t pull on them with rage anymore. I feel like now, I am trying to find out where I put the key, so I can gently take them off and leap to the new adventure.

I have to remind myself to be grateful.

So right now, I feel like I am on a journey. Or at least preparing myself actively to go on a journey. A creative and spiritual journey. I read a lot about artists and their processes. I read about finding the creative in me. I have not written in a while, but I just did, right here.

This is where I am.