Photography

internal/external

Old school project inspired by Kabuki dance.
The soundtrack was possibly this.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Advertisements
Standard
Uncategorized

it isn’t the way this works

writing again.

its not that i wanted to stop. it just happened. i tried to go back to it many times. opening this page and browsing elsewhere. reading everybody else’s writings. and never writing my own.

i try to be a better blogger. i never used to care about who read what about my life. it is one form of art, is it not? and art is about the artist. right? yet i find myself censoring my words, as though there was something to hide. or something not to share.

believe me when i say, i have nothing to hide. there is too much to share, maybe. i cannot get around to choosing what i want to share, maybe.

i have got so many things running through my mind. past and present. my histories come back and forth, and sometimes i just don’t know what to do about it.  they come in dreams, in music, in words. in places. i have dreams of my childhood, of places i have been, people i have fucked. i have dreams of the present. of the future. i have dreams of my partner, of our future. of people i know, of people i want to know. i want to be.

i smoke cigarettes, pretending to be great writers. i smoke a joint, hoping to have the mind of a great painter. living as though my actions will make me something more than what i am already. i sit around reading books about meditation, queer studies, photography, hoping to gain any form of inspiration i can get. in any way possible.

but of course. it isn’t the way this works. you see, i sit around dreaming, hoping, thinking that someday, yes someday, i can be one of the greats that we look up to and idolize. but of course. it isn’t the way this works. and yet, i am sitting here, writing about it. pretending to be a great writer.

i go through phases. one day i am a painter, the next i am a writer. most days though, i am a photographer. who has not photographed in close to a year now.

the one thing i am always, is an artist in search of a medium to call my own.

Standard